Detachment. This word is breaking my soul into pieces. I can't handle the pain. I keep wondering how I called someone "home" in such a short time knowing he could break my life. I did not receive any text message after his reply at 1532pm. He slept right away after Mass.
Whenever I'm with him, I felt at home. How we slept together during those nights, waking up early morning beside him and he would be the first thing I'll see in the morning, the belongingness I wish to feel again. I like to come back to 2015 and be the better version of who I am, not the 18-year-old who only saw the world in him. But going back to those days, I knew it was more frightening because I know one day he will leave and did after a year. It was like a large torn removed from my chest. I didn't know what to do. And in August 2016, it's the last time I felt intimate when we kissed and slept together. It never felt the same when I visited him last year of the same month.
God, why this has to be so hard. I never wanted this, You wanted this. Might as well remove this sadness away from me just like how you put this? How did we become this? How did he pull off his feelings that easy? It's unfair. It's not on my part. I'm dying inside.
I want to stop having to hold myself back when all I want is to hold you instead. But this isn't what you want.
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