Photo not mine. Credits to the owner.
Ever since I stepped my foot in to the world of unemployment, number 1 is to find a job. A stable job that would let me help me save up, do the groceries and pay the bills, and probably buy stuff I want. That was January 2019 and I all know is to create resume and send them to the companies I want to work with. Number 1 was banks and not research projects, followed by corporate jobs that are located within the vicinity of Cebu Business Park and if you're in Cebu, you know what I mean. Call center was not an option. I mean, I want to see myself working on these type of jobs I used to do errands.
The first job rejection I got was from a bank. I literally cried out to my Mom as I received the email saying I didn't get in. She told me to take the Civil Service exam because that's one of the qualifications that the government requires and I hate how this country is used to the Padrino system or what we call, "backer" or just literally connections. Because everything in the government are endorsed only by the insiders and it's rare that you'll get hired of your own. I didn't pass the CSE on my first take, but I did after the second take still in 2019 and the option of resigning from my airline job is thin. I also would like to point out that the HR there was a crap and does not know how to treat their employees. It was a toxic job that you have to endure because the pay was high and you get to travel for free.
I had everything planned out even before 2020 but again, there was something that stop me to hand over my resignation letter. This was January 2020 when the COVID-19 first made headlines in the country so I have to convince myself to hold on a little longer before this ends. Come March 2020 when the complete shutdown was effective and my mind was free from all the bullshit i have to endure and I wouldn't have to face these two witches from HR. Fast forward, we got laid off last July 2020 and part of it was I'm relieved from all the mental exhaustion I experienced but the memories I created there with my friends was an exception.
Yesterday, I literally woke up from an email coming from the company I wished to work with saying that my potential as a writer is somewhere better off. I knew someone who was working there who, I think, didn't like me since college (god forbid for this kind of thinking) that stopped me from working there because I knew I did well with the exam but then again, I am reminded that maybe I did not or someone got endorsed by a friend close to the HR, there's a lot of factors. And just before I go to sleep, I received an email from a bank that says the position was filled in and I am one of the candidates they will first contact in case another job opens at the same area. I've had my all reading these rejection emails and letters. I got sad and thought that I am this total loser and incompetent biatch who couldn't do better and is helpless. I guess this is what capitalism does. Thus says the photo above.
It's true, it's hard to find the job that you want and the company you want to work especially with what the pandemic brought to us. Each time I get rejected, I treat it as 'next time'. Most of my applications are sent to these banks and it's either I never heard for them or receive emails that says my 'credentials are not fit' to what they are looking for. Same with the companies I wanted to work with. I hate how everything works with this fucked up Padrino system because it loses your potential to work for them and someone less better than you gets hired instead. And money. Complete bullshit.
"Why are you looking for a new job when you have a job?" One answer: Toxic. I know and I'm aware that all jobs are toxic but when you are no longer happy waking up at the wee or unholy hours while your folks are sleeping and snoring soundly at the other room and force yourself to sit down from 10pm-6am taking calls from clients and produce the quality of work they wanted from you.
God, when will I have my own timing? Do I really have to get second or third priority with this whole adulting I need to do? And when I become a lawyer in the future, will I still experience these things? The world is so competitive and I simply can't grasp why I can't get chosen right away. Sometimes, I think I'm cursed.
Looking back, I got accepted to other jobs that I applied with. First was an inventory position I applied to a laboratory supply company but when I was told of the workload that's not in their job description, I didn't pushed through. The second was a supposedly data-entry specialist position but when I saw the job offer, it was written a customer service representative position. I told the recruiter that I am no longer interested. The third, which is recently, was a news reporter position for a start-up media company that looked and sounded sketchy to me I didn't kept in touch with the man who called me.
Despite this, I am grateful that I have a work. I just wanted to express my frustration of being 'unfortunate' in terms of employment and the 'potential' I have gets blacked. I don't understand why, or is it just another message for me to become a full-time law student and focus with my studies. *PS I still have bills to pay, in case you are asking why I am looking for a job. When you are the eldest, you hold responsible with everything.
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